Am I having an Affair?

Just because someone is not physical with someone other than their partner, doesn’t mean that they are not having an affair.

An affair can range from an ‘inappropriate friendship’ to a full blown physical relationship. Here is simple test, to see if you have strayed into the realms of an emotional or physical affair.

If you answer yes to any of these questions, then you have begun an inappropriate relationship with someone who is not your partner.


  1. Do you find yourself enjoying the company of the other person more than your partner?
  2. Do you confide in each other regarding personal struggles in your respective relationships?
  3. Do you find yourself mentally preoccupied with the other person?
  4. Is there a special “chemistry” with this person?
  5. Sometimes do you wish your partner was more like this other person?
  6. Do you act slippery and evasive when questioned about the relationship?
  7. Do you talk to others about the person of interest in glowing terms?
  8. Do you have secret contacts with the other person that your spouse does not know about?
  9. Have either of you “accidentally” brushed the other person’s arm or leg and felt electricity between you?
  10. Would you say exactly the same things to this person if your partner or children were present?
  11. Have you ever lied about your contact with the other person?
  12. Do you dig your heels in when confronted about the nature of the relationship?

If you answered yes to 1 or 2 of these questions, then your relationship is already inappropriate!

  • You need to back off of the relationship if you want to avoid further entanglement. Consider telling your partner at this early stage. This kind of honesty can prevent much heartache down the road and build trust and accountability between you.

If you answered yes to 3 or 4 of these questions, you are in over your head and your marriage is in danger.

  • You need outside help and the courage to tell your spouse and your best friend, so you can begin to establish enough boundaries to halt the progression of the relationship into a full- blown physical affair or divorce.

If you answered yes to 5 or more, then you are already engaged in a raging emotional affair and/or some stage of a physical affair.

  • Your marriage is in crisis, whether your spouse knows it or not. Your spouse needs to be told the whole truth, without the usual rationalisations, in order to help break the “spell” of this emotional connection and you need professional help immediately.


For men in this situation, please consider contacting David through the contact form. Any conversation will be kept in the strictest confidence.

David can support you through the best way to reveal to your partner your affair, and what attitudes and actions will bring about the best chance of rebuilding your relationship.